Saturday, 30 July 2011

The beast that almost got me... - or OCH's aftermath

While writing this post the sentence kept coming back to me: "This beast almost got me." And that's the truth. Going through the aftermath of the ritual of OCH took its tribute and I paid the toll. 

I guess any successful spirit communion will express itself in changes in our lives? So when it comes to determining the impact of a rite it is much less about what happens while we are in the temple than it is about what happens once we leave it behind. The forces of the spirit we work with will take shape and merge into our personality as soon as we allow them to sink into our subconsciousness and become one with who we are underneath our skins... Assimilating the powers of spirits into our everyday lives is similar to the way our body assimilates the nutrition of food - the powers unfold once their taste has vanished in our mouths. 

Entering the sphere of the Sun taught me how it feels to arrive at the spot marked 'X' on my life map: there is no next step to take, no next goal to turn to. Once I allowed the forces of OCH to enter my live it was easy to lose any sense of direction. In an earlier post I had mentioned that the Sun is the only place at which a wind emerges into all directions. The solar winds come forth from a single point and expand into all directions. The Sun is the ultimate center of our realm of creation. And measured from its centre every other point seems to be just as far away. No living thing approaches the Sun, yet the solar winds reach out to everything... 

As a human we are not made to live in the Sun, but to live in its orbit. We are not meant to be the centre of our own universe - but to circle around it in spheres. To maintain stability our lives depend on a reference point that is bigger than ourselves, a point that can sustain balance while we go through the transformations we call a living. As a human we are the host of our body and minds. We welcome experiences, strangers that come to visit and to change us. As humans we are constantly becoming by allowing life to work on us.  

The Sun, however, never changes. It is the agent of change itself. The Sun is not a host but the light that shines over every encounter. We need the Sun to shine in our back to look far into the future or close up at a detail. If we come too close to it, if we even allow it to shine behind our own eyes, it will blind us and leave us without a sense of direction.

Engaging with the spirit of OCH was a wonderful experience. It took me to the centre of everything we know. It kills social and cultural stereotypes about the shining star and replaces them with real life experiences... The spirit of OCH is a wonderful teacher. But he is also unforgiving, relentless, merciless. His light doesn’t mind if it dries tears from our face or burns the last fertile soil in Somalia. More than a rose ever will be, the Sun is the Sun is the Sun.

If we approach the Sun to engage with it, we need to understand that we will be blind for the duration of the encounter: Every other life, every other career, every other relationship  will suddenly seem in reach. The power to re-imagine and start afresh will be abundant and the ease to destroy what we have built uncannily alluring. When we encounter the spirit of OCH it take all our willpower and a busload of faith not to burn down the bridges of the live we had created before... Because once we shift identification from the objects we see in the Sun, to sunlight itself no single shape will ever be good enough. Ego and hunger will be infinite.

Here is the beast that almost got me: As humans we don't belong into the Sun. We carry its seed in our hearts, a single spark instead of a planet of fire. If we re-imagine each day who we are and what we will achieve, we won't achieve anything. And ultimately we will be at the end of everything and nothing.

From the moment we step into the Sun it will burn us to ashes. It will eat our centers of identity and give way to the illusion that any form and shape out there could be us... This is the illusion we have to face: while we can engage with forces and spirits that are lightyears beyond us, our nature as humans will remain the same. We are the flask that contains all elements, not the fire underneath.



  1. I actually think I had an experience like this, very early on. Of course it blinded and shuttered me. It seemed as literally everything was possible, but like you say, there weren't any roads any more, since I could do everything. So I did nothing and basked in that sense.


  2. Interesting and thanks for sharing! When you think back to this time - do you realize how you would have been connected (or overloaded?) by the forces of the Sun/Tiphareth/Och? I guess when you look at how you got to the point where you were "blinded" you should find details of one of the paths leading up to Tiphareth? Would love to hear your observations...

  3. Hey frater,

    I've also send you some mail regarding another matter. I haven't checked your site the last days so I'm sorry for the delay.
    This event happen very early on in my "occult career" and I didn't have any training or knowledge whatsoever.

    It was the culmination of a series of very unbalaned and weird events set forth from some very honest, rudimentary but completely emotionally unbalanced chanting over the medieval sigil of the sun to "grant me power to conquer my demons".
    I was very depressed and desperate and it was this or the funny pills. To tell you the truth it was a complete trainwreck. But I'm here now :-)

    So regarding the event, I have no insight regarding Tiphareth. All I remember was that it felt as if I could do literally everything in a snap. It felt as if a massive amount of light was poured over me and my "vessel" couldnt handle it so I cracked.
    I also felt a very physical feeling in my chest area. As if someone had replaced something that didnt work that well with something that was pristine, like a fine-tuned instrument. I thought that this would last forever, but it only lasted about a week or so. Some time afterwards I read about the qabbalistic concept of the "shattering of the vessels" and seemed to describe the experience, but obviously was not related.

    I haven't completed the paths leading up to Tiphareth yet, the only insight I can give is that, the Sun somehow ties to the consciousness of the Self, which is in itself, a royal "thing". This is the only value or "worth" a man can truly have, everything else is relative and practicalities. Having a job, a girlfriend, money, a car, all practicalities for this "earthbound" life. They do not in any way describe the whole of man. But the state of being conscious is the sovoreignty everyone possess.


  4. Thanks for sharing this George.

    I agree and disagree - our innermost being, our individual actualization of consciousness certainly is the deepest reflection of who we are. However, even our consciousness is changing all the same time. And each connection we make in life - to friends, to family, to lovers, to places, to animals, etc. - further enhances or changes who we are.

    I wasn't the same before my teacher entered into my life and I wasn't the same as today before I found the house I am living in today... Our inner and outer experiences are deeply intertwined - like the two snakes on the wand of Hermes. One cannot be in balance without the other. Beauty inside and beauty around us are the two faces of Tiphareth.

    OCH represents the source of pure, raw consciousness-energy that keeps this balancing act going and going and going... until we die.

  5. I'm not sure that consciousness, the feeling of being present and alive changes, the consciousness may take many forms, sad, happy, tired, but the consciousness itself does not change. The "watcher" is always there, you are always conscious, in every situation.

    But you are right about the inner and the outer. I did not mean to downplay the outer, only maybe point that, once you have shifted the center of identity to this presence of consciousness, your outer situation will no longer "bother" you or define who you really are at the core of your being.

    You will perhaps stop trying to prove yourself through every endeavour. Poor, happy, sad, rich, ill, healthy. All will be the same.